Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Sir, Your Family Needs You

Many men are running after the idea of "success." This idea has crept into the church and is now being preached from the pulpit. This idea of success is being defined as an accumulation of things, social relevance, popularity, and world-renowned influence. "I just want to be the boss, Cornelius." "I want to climb the ladder of success and become the VP at my job." "I want to own the largest house in the subdivision." "I want to have more money than I can spend." These are some of the things I have heard over the years. I have seen men sell their time and talents to the world. They exchanged time alone with their family to become a top executive at their company. One man in particular chose his job over his family time and time again. He did it for years. The time finally came when he realized that his family stopped choosing him. After being on the road for his job for a week and a half he walked into an empty house. His wife and son moved out leaving him with a couch, a bed, and a few kitchen appliances. The note on the counter read "We left. Actually, we left a long time ago. It's too bad you're just now seeing it. Goodbye!" Those words pierced his heart, but he shrugged off those emotions. He went into the office the next day to learn that his job was phasing out his position. It was no longer needed. In less than 24 hours he lost his family and his job. I sat down with him to discuss what was going on in his life. Unfortunately, he was very heartbroken over the loss of his job more than his family. After a series of conversations he finally saw his problem. He cried like a baby over the loss of his family. It was not enough to sway him in the right direction. He was not open to hearing the Gospel truth. He eventually started drinking alcohol and picking up prostitutes. He was a regular at strip clubs. We eventually lost contact as he continued on his destructive path. I still pray for him and his family.

 The Men's Conference 2015The gentlemen in the example chose his career over his family. Unfortunately, his family did not choose to accept his choice. You may look at his decision as a terrible thing, but consider who or what you are choosing over your family. I know men who abandon their family at night to hang with friends or family. They choose a nightly rendezvous with their pals/homeboys instead of spending quality time with their family. They fail to recognize their influence in the house is powerful. Sir, you have the ability to chart the course for your family. You provide direction so everyone in the household is aware of where the family is headed. You provide education as you teach and discipline in the admonition of the Lord. You provide identity for your children so they are aware of what a man should be and what he should do inside the household. They should see you loving and leading like Christ so they are able to mimic your example. You provide balance so the children are able to see how your role differs from their mother's role. You provide protection from any outside influence that tries to change the foundation or the direction of your family. You are able to monitor what is being heard and said in the house. You are also able to keep nonsense and foolishness outside of the home. You are able to deal with the stresses of the day instead of allowing those stresses to infiltrate inside the house to your wife and children. You provide support to your wife and children. That support encourages them to continue in the way they have been called to live. It lets them know they are not alone. It lets them know you care about their progress and welfare. Your presence is more than just you going home and being there. It is about being an active participant in your household and making sure everyone is maturing in the things of the Lord. Let them see you praying and reading your Bible. Be the example they need.

 So, You Want to be a Man?Sir, your family needs you. They do not just need your presence; they need your words and involvement. They need to know you prefer them over your career, your extended family, your friends, your religious activities, etc. I know men who give the majority of their time serving their church, little league team, etc. I saw a man run and grab an umbrella to make sure the first lady of the church did not get wet while his wife was drenched by the rain. I understand his willingness to respect his spiritual leader's wife, but no woman comes before his wife. My wife is fully aware that she is my responsibility--one I do not take lightly. And other husbands should realize the same thing about their wife. The same is true for my child(ren).

Brother, we need you to be who you were called to be for your family. We need your involvement. Our current society is the result of sin and broken families. We have to return to our roles.

 The Gathering Oasis Church Men's MinistryI challenge you to sit your family down and ask for forgiveness for not being active in their lives. Tell them things will be different. Then do something that I am aware is not going to be easy. Ask your wife and child(ren) to grade you as a father and husband. Allow them to express themselves to you without interrupting them. Do not argue; just comply to their righteous requests. Make the proper adjustments. Take out a sheet of paper and write out the changes that need to happen in your household like no cell phones after a certain time, mandatory family dinner at the table with conversation about the day, no television after a certain time period, family game nights, etc. Do this with one another and sit down every now and then to discuss the family's progress. You take responsibility for it. Be the leader I know you can be. Do not allow your past to keep you from being all God has called you to be. Go for it, brother. I am praying for you!



  1. The Lord bless you faithful servant.

  2. Woww .. this is amazing! Thank you!

  3. Amazing post. I relate to this from start to finish. As a young wife i want to place blame and point my finger at my husband so hard but I'm convicted in my tracks. Your dear wife made a statement a while back about the role of a wife's prayer in relationships so God quickly checked me as i wanted to copy and paste this to send to my husband. Its just comforting to know that one a Man of God who is as busy as yourself can notice this and two im not alone in feeling like everything comes before me and the kids as the wife in your post. Thanks for you and your wife's hearts and wisdom.

  4. Help us Lord. Wish my husband coyld see this. Lord please help us please!